Tuesday, March 8, 2011

shall be

Have you ever noticed that if you say 'shall be' really fast it sounds a lot like 'Shelby'?
well it does.
I know people don't go around saying 'shall be' very much, but when you're in church,
it happens a lot.
I don't know how many times I've almost *&^%$ my pants because someone at the pulpit says 'shallbe' very fast and I think they're talking about me and I'm sure my face turns beet red and immediate paranoia hits me like a ton of bricks and I flash hot and then realize they said 'shall. be.'   (This usually happens when I'm not paying attention, so I guess it's my fault!)
still, it's not fun.
so why did I bring this up?
I don't know.  I just wondered if you knew that about me.
something else most of you know, but I don't think I've really ever addressed on this blog.  Maybe I did once.  I think I did.
I struggle with depression.  I hate that sentence.  I hate how it sounds.  I hate saying it.  I hate it.  I tried to think of another way to say it.  But- the bottom line is:  It's true. 
BUT today I felt happy.  :)   :)   :)   :)   :)   :)   :)  
For no particular reason. 
Just like there is no particular reason why I feel sad or down. 
It just happens to me.   

7 comments:

april said...

The older I get, the more I realize that at some point in everyone's life, they have depression. Maybe not chronically. But it happens. It must be part of the grand plan.

I hope it is anyway.

We miss you guys. Come to Cali.

LL said...

I agree with April. I think most people experience it at some point in time.
I felt spurts of it in the last year, with no explanation.
Then there's GUILT because life is good, so why should I be sad?!
The "nice" thing about experiencing such feelings is the understanding and empathy we have for others going through hard times--and it also helps us appreciate the HAPPY days :-)
You're are amazing, I LOVE your honesty and bubbly personality. Your blog always makes me smile!

Shill and Company said...

When I read your title, "shall be," the first thing I thought of was Shelby.

Sue said...

right there w/ya...sista! i love you super lots.

Todd said...

Shelby Lou...you are loved!

Katie said...

me to. me too. ME To. ME TOO. Thank you for sharing.

Katie said...

me to. me too. ME To. ME TOO. Thank you for sharing.